„Not good enough“: how to overcome doubts about yourself

If you think that love needs to be earned, you take someone else’s criticism or inattention close to heart, you most likely lack self -confidence. We tell you how to increase self -esteem.

Prove „goodness“

If we do not love ourselves, it may seem that we need to “prove” our superiority over others in order to alleviate internal pain. This is called hypercompensation. The problem is that it does not work.

It seems to us that we must always prove something to others until they understand that we are „good enough“. The mistake in this case is that we are too seriously accepting other people’s accusations and criticism.

Thus, as if we are trying to defend ourselves in an imaginary court, proving our innocence in an attempt to avoid punishment

For example, someone tells you: “You never listen to me” or “You always blame me for everything!“. These „never“ and „always“ often do not correspond to our real experience. Often we begin to defend ourselves from these false accusations. In our defense, we present various evidence: “What does it mean – I never listen to you? You asked to call plumbing and I called. You can look in the phone account „.

Rarely when such excuses can change the point of view of our interlocutor, usually they do not affect anything. As a result, we feel that we lost our “case” in the “court”, and we feel even worse than before.

In revenge, we ourselves begin to rush with accusations. In fact, we are „good enough“. Just not perfect. But to be perfect and is not required, although no one will tell us directly. How can we judge which people are “better” and which is “worse”? By what standards and criteria? Where we will take the „average person“ as a standard for comparison?

Accept self -worth

Money and high status can make our life easier, but they do not make us “better” other people. In fact, how (hard or easily) lives a person does not say anything about his superiority or inferiority compared

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to others. The ability not to retreat in the face of difficulties and go forward – this is courage and success, regardless of the final result.

Bill Gates cannot be considered “better” by other people because of his wealth, just as a person who has lost his job and sitting on the manual cannot be considered “worse” than others. Our value does not come down to how much they love and support us, and it does not depend on our talents and achievements. Each of us from birth is valuable and worthy of love. We will never become more or less valuable. We will never become better or worse than others.

It doesn’t matter what status we will achieve how much money and power we will receive, we will never become “better”. Similarly, it doesn’t matter how little we are appreciated and respected, we will never become “worse”. Our successes and achievements do not make us more worthy of love, just as our defeats, losses and failures do not make us less worthy of it.